i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
