I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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