her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
