her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
