i love accidental penises.
it's like iHOP with fire
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
