I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
