She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
