Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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