Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
