two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize