Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
