You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
