You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
