remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
