literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
