just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's rum buckets o'clock
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
