last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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