its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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