fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
