Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
