At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
