I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
