she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
