she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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