I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize