it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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