just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
