Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
