Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
