Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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