Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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