sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize