I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
