I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
A bitchslap is in order.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
