New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
