We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize