She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
