Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
