Don't make out with my wife yet
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize