So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
