wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
