so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
