I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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