I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
