I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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