I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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