who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's never too late to be topless.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
