I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
