So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
