I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
