Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize