I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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