I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
