Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
