your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
