I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
