My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
