This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
