you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
