a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
