that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
