Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
