i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Im part way to drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
