I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
