I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
