bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
