I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize