ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
