i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
