Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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