3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
