wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize