What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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