smell my finger.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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