Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
