Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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