Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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