After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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