You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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