so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
