Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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