i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
