i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
