just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
