I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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