I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
