You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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