I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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