I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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