God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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