Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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