4 words: hood of his car
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize