We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
