Why is your signature on my underwear?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
