We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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