I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
