his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
