Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm at about main and main street
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
