Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize