When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
