You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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