It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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