His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
40s are totally the cure
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
