Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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