I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
