i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
