I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
