I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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